Your Life Is A Story, So What Does The Back Of Your DVD Say?

Posted by The Happy Rock on May 6, 2010

I have been listening and reading through A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life(affilaite link), and in it Donald Miller provides a very simple framework for thinking about your life: your life is a story.

The basic premise is that the same rules apply to your life as they do to stories. The stuff that makes a good story makes a good life. If your life feels boring then the story that you are telling is probably boring. Nobody sets out to tell a boring story, they often just happen because we aren’t intentionally trying to tell a good one. The idea is to live a page turner.

A simple question that really helped me gauge where I am at in my story is “what would the back cover of the ‘Your Life, the DVD’ say?

This is what I came up with for mine:

From food stamps and a young but devoted mother, Frank “The Happy Rock” successfully navigates a turbulent childhood into college where he meets his wonderful wife. Together they conquer $70,000 in debt, get good jobs, and create a beautiful life for their two children. You never know what kind of action his days will bring as he attempts to have patience with his children and tries not make his wife mad at him. Tune in to watch as he earns money and buys stuff. Will he make it? Will he survive?

I know that doesn’t speak to how blessed my life is right now(it really is), but it is true to how I feel and yet still accurate at the same time. As I look back at my life as though it were a story it was a real page turner. Being born to a young mother and addict father, escaping poverty into the middle class, moving from isolation into marriage, and journeying from selfishness into parenthood is the stuff of good stories. It didn’t feel like it at the time, but somehow that part of the story now reads like best seller.

When I look at where the story is heading now, the picture is much less engaging. We ‘made it’, but the irony is that’s the problem. My wife and I have pretty much the freedom, money, and skills to do most anything we want, yet our life consists of Target, Netflix, Gardening, and going to the park. Don’t get me wrong, it is a good life, but it isn’t one that keeps you on the edge of your seat. There is virtually no conflict, no plot twists, and no chance of failure. It isn’t a page turner and it certainly isn’t sending the message I want to my boys.

One motivating part about framing your life as a story, is that you are the author. You get to change the storyline. In life you can’t change what happened, but you get full control over where the story is going. The question is: What are the new story lines that you want to tell?

I would love to hear what everyone else thinks about their story lines?

» Filed Under About Me, Chasing Dreams, Financial Succes, Living with Purpose

What’s Happened To The Happy Rock?

Posted by The Happy Rock on April 7, 2010

Anyone who checks in regularly can tell that things have been shriveling around here for months. I know it is not out of the ordinary for a blog to disappear into the internet graveyard with barely a whimper, but I still really like this blog and thought things needed a little bit of an explanation.

The New Red Huffy

Picture a 4 year tearing the wrapping paper from a brand new bike on Christmas morning. He jumps for joy and hugs anyone in sight. He rushes out and spends some time learning how to ride. He is grateful for the training wheels as he totters around for the first few months. He spends the next year riding his bike everywhere. He can’t walk out the door without trying to convince his parents to let him go for a little ride. It is even cute watching him try and convince people who have no interest in biking how great it is.

Gradually though the circumstances begin to change. He gets older and bigger. The bike starts to get a little rusty and just doesn’t fit as well as before. New toys, friends, hobbies, and responsibilities enter into the picture and in a few years the bike just sits around and collects rust. He occasionally watches kids on their bikes zoom down the street laughing, doing cool tricks, and getting air of sweet jumps, but it only moves him to lament rather than to action.

Eventually one spring Thursday his dad puts the bike out to the curb for donation pickup. The son sees the bike in its sad shape and all the memories come rushing back. He argues with his dad to keep the bike, but his father knows that it will just be right back in the shed. Dad lovingly suggests three options. They could take the next few weekends and work on a special father and son project together where they would clean the rust off the bike, replace some parts, and take off the training wheels. The bike would then be ready to be useful for the next few years. The other options are to give the bike to someone who would love it like he used too or let it rust away in a landfill in Topeka.

That is where I am at. A lot has changed since I started this blog. I have become 100% debt, adopted two children, sold a house and moved, finished my MBA and grown quit a bit. Things look much different than they did three years ago and I am asking much different questions in my life:

Three years ago we were fanatic about getting out of debt and were a few months away from kicking $70,000 of debt to the curb. Early on I was eager to write about debt reduction and those type of thoughts swirled around in my head constantly. After the debt was gone and I had an emergency fund, I had a hard time writing about that stuff with a fresh perspective. Now, money isn’t an issue. It is amazing how much things looks different with absolutely no debt, 1.5 salaries, and safety cash. You are free to move wherever you want or take whatever job regardless of pay. You can start asking the Why questions of life rather than being stuck on the How questions like how to I make more money or get out of debt. It is an awesome yet uncomfortable place to be.

Before I was asking how do I create a successful blog and make some money off of it, but now my question is what purpose is the blog serving in my life and in yours. I was more focused on gaining readers, not losing readers, making money, and trying to “figure out blogging”. I don’t feel that is authentic enough anymore. It doesn’t really connect with where I am in my journey and it doesn’t connect me to people on similar journey’s. Before I was around motivated folks in my MBA program and other debt destroyers that helped encourage me to stick with it. Once they were gone and I moved on but I didn’t forge any relationships for the next stage in my journey.

My Christian faith is the thing I think about most and I barely ever mentioned it. The blog was meant to help people out of debt, but it really only ended up being something I wanted to succeed at. Fear of alienating people and losing readers kept me from including it in the discussion in any meaningful way. I was probably scared, who knows, but I often wanted to connect with people on that level. This blog was my primary means of expression and pouring my energy and heart into money and life hacks just to create a semi-successful blog is not an authentic experience. Articles weren’t designed to connect with people they are created to be ‘successful’. That is passion draining rather than inspiring for me.
I haven’t posted anything meaningful in months and I don’t think I haven’t gotten a single email asking about why. I don’t say that to make you feel guilty or conger up pity, but the sad fact is that I wrote OK articles but I wasn’t connecting with anyone. Now I feel a drawn towards forming deeper and more meaningful relationships. I want people to matter. Not in a distant 3rd person way that let’s me execute my plan to be comfortable and safe without ever having to really get involved. Detached, very comfortable, and debt free isn’t enough. It is time to figure out how to get my hands dirty and face some fears.

Now don’t read this wrong, I am very grateful for the paths that have led to this point. I thank the readers for stopping by and being a part of things. The experience I gained is invaluable and it is was a blast most of time. The question is…now what? Do I clean off the rust and change things so that they can meet the demands of the next stage of life’s journey or do I take all the growth and knowledge and pure it into bigger and better things? I leaning towards tailoring the blog’s direction to be more authentic and true to my journey and away from being aimed to please Sitemeter and Google. I just don’t know exactly what that looks like…

» Filed Under About Me, Chasing Dreams, Financial Succes

Is Capitalism Always The Answer?

Posted by The Happy Rock on September 8, 2009

I know that probably sounds like blasphemy to a lot of folks out there, but I am starting to feel like it is the truth. As much as I like free markets, they don’t magically solve every problem. We all probably have different definitions of what we think capitalism is, so let’s define it so we all start off on the same page. I am not saying this is a perfect definition, but one that is probably is digestible by all of us.

Capitalism – An economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of capital goods that are distributed chiefly by competition in a free market

I am really not here to bash capitalism, as I can only think of two other system that would work better, a completely benevolent king/dictator or communism. That’s right communism, not Marxism or the cold war kind or even the Communist China type of communism, but voluntary communism. Despite what you think about those two systems and how they might succeed or fail, free markets are wonderful and have a multitude of advantages.

Capitalism in and of itself is is fairly amoral, although one might argue the natural effects of capitalism on the human condition often leads us down immoral paths. With that said, what I really want to do is start a dialogue about some holes I am beginning to see in the American capitalism. I am not going to bore you with economic theory or politics, I would rather discuss actual stories of people that are near and dear to my heart.

Mom – The Hard Working Volunteer

First, let me set the stage for who my mom is. She is a poster-child for free market success and the American dream. As a poor single mother at the age of twenty she hustled her way from nearly homeless and living off food stamps and government cheese, to waitressing, to an associate’s degree, and finally to a $60,000+ a year job in a little over 25 years. She is the type of person that realizes that she needs to get n degree and within weeks is enrolled in classes, regardless of the numerous roadblocks like money, time, and child care. She escaped poverty , owned a home, and had a decent sum of money in the bank. The American Dream in action, with one little problem… she hated her field with a passion and only did it to get me through my expensive private school and provide for us. What an awesome unselfish parent! My life reaped the benefits of her love and devotion many times over.

After I left home, she decided to the sell the house, quit the job, and take up volunteering. This is where capitalism started to turn its back on her. She traveled to Zambia to help out in orphanages, educated children and adults on global poverty and hunger, rebuilt after Katrina, was a community organizer in a forgotten about city, and much more. Through all of this, she is left without being able to afford health insurance, and barely able to afford a car and housing let alone many luxuries. Why, because there aren’t profits to be made when working with poor and needy.

Now this is one of the hardest working ladies you will probably know. She isn’t the stereotype of the lazy person who doesn’t want to help themselves that people often use as reasoning for the government to not help people and for people to justify not giving their time and money. She is ambitious, motivated, committed, and hard working and has exceptional skills that she is bringing to society.

So where exactly does she fit in? I would think as a society we would want to support people like her. People who are willing to move travel where there are needs and give their time, energy, and love are in short demand. The ones that do exist have to barely eek out a financial existence. They have to waste their energy worrying about meeting the basic necessities of life, when instead they want to use that energy to pour themselves into people and problems that could use their full attention. It seems like there has to be a better way.

My Father In Law – The Devoted Farmer

Story number is two about a farmer from birth. He lives and breathes farming, and for those that don’t know any farmers they might work harder than any profession I have ever seen. Imagine working seven days from morning till night. The alarm goes off at 5:00am and he quickly grabs a small first breakfast and heads out to greet a never ending list of tasks often before the sun even rises. As much as he wants to take off on the seventh day or take a vacation, he can’t. Crops and animals don’t stop needing your attention just because it is Sunday. Work must go on whether it is in the blazing sun, bitter cold, or windy rain. Weather can also ruin months of work in a matter of days or hours. No rain for a week or two when the corn is first planted and it all shrivels up. I have gained a new found respect for the food I eat after spending years visiting a farm, it is brutal.

As hard as my father in law works, he will most likely never get ahead. Corporate farms and foreign imports usually ravage any semblance of profit he might of been able to ring out of the earth. He is forced to hop from one thing to another just trying to keep his head above water. I have seen him go from milking dairy cows, to raising beef cattle, to pigeons, to pigs, to raising animals for other farmers, all in less than 10 years.

He also isn’t a business man; that just isn’t one of the gifts that he has to offer this world. He’s a farmer with an awesome heart. He sells his sweet corn cheaper than most people because his customers are mostly fellow church members, friends or neighbors, and his dozen is more like 14 than 12. I remember the first time I helped the family weigh and wrap scrapple to sell. The capitalist in me struggled to watch him always round up and provide more product than he was ‘supposed’ too at prices that were already too low. As time moves on I have come to really appreciate the heart and love for people that goes into most everything he does. I know it doesn’t make business sense, but he can’t ignore his heart. It is big like that, with a focus that is always on others. He doesn’t have expensive tastes and he isn’t wasting money either. Even with all his frugality, he won’t ever ‘make it’.

Again this is someone I would think society would want to encourage, not discourage. A man with that type of heart and that type of work ethic deserves to be rewarded not beaten down. He would be happy if he could just pick a crop or animal to raise that would fetch a fair price and rewarded him just reasonably well. But I am just not sure that will happen in this day and age. It seems like the system often discourages certain skill sets that we deem not as important rather than making sure that he has a revered and useful and compensated place. What is someone like this supposed to do?

What’s The Answer?

There you have it. Two beautiful hard working people that are outcasts in a capitalist system. There are others outcasts too(the poor, the sick, and the producers for starters), but these two people are real. I can’t help but root for them, although they won’t ever ‘win’. I know capitalism doesn’t mean them any direct harm, but it isn’t doing anything to help encourage them or even the playing field. The question is what is the answer? Do we need government to step in? Do we need to focus on a guiding morality to help govern our choices within a capitalist society? Should they just get with the program and start trying to acrue as much money as possible? Should they move to a different country? I certainly don’t have any answers yet, but I think the questions are definitely worth asking.

[Title Edit 9/9/09] Changed from Capitalism Is Not The Answer to better reflect the spirit of the post rather than be sensational and distract from the discussion.

» Filed Under Careers, Chasing Dreams, Happiness, Materialism, Salary, Serving Others

29 Reasons Why Being A Part Time Entreprenuer Sucks

Posted by The Happy Rock on July 10, 2009

I know this may not be the inspirational pie in the sky post you want to hear, but it is reality. If you are already a part time entrepreneur, solo entrepreneur, or blogger you can probably empathize with this list. Better yet it might help you gain some insight into your own circumstances.

For those that are considering embarking on such a journey, this is fair warning. This article isn’t an attempt to discourage you at all, but rather an attempt to prepare you for what lies ahead. It may discourage you, and if it does then you probably aren’t ready yet.

Anyone attempting to augment their income through their own creative effort WILL have to deal with these issues. This article isn’t an attempt to solve these problems, as I can’t claim success…yet, but I can claim to be actively attacking each one of these obstacles to success. This article is an attempt to take ownership of the baggage that I have been carrying since I started. If I am not honest with myself, I am only setting myself up for failure.

The inspiration for this list comes from my 6+ years of seeking extra income through a variety of avenues: online poker, stocks, blogging, web development, and running a service website. I have also connected with others marching on their own journeys. All of these are common roadblocks that will be faced by all types of entrepreneurs.

29 Roadblocks To Solo Entrepreneur Success

Too much to do. The todo list is relentless and one person can only accomplish so much. There will always be more you can do.
Not enough time. This isn’t just because your todo list is 100’s of items long, but because you have the rest of your life to live. A spouse, children, friends, career, shopping…that list goes on for miles too. The couple of hours you have each night and on the weekends won’t feel like enough time to get the critical stuff done let alone the stuff you want to do.
Learning. It takes a huge investment for on person to learn the vast range of skills necessary to succeed. At least this list is finite though, although still humongous. Become a better writer, learn web development, practice networking, implement marketing and advertising, craft your search engine optimization, research, accounting, customer service, and more.
Sacrifice. You can’t do it all. Areas of your life will suffer and gather cobwebs. If it is important to you, other things must take a backseat.
Discipline. Using time wisely. Getting to bed on time. Being able to push through the dips and dead periods. Discipline is required on almost all fronts. You most likely don’t have enough yet.
The world changes. Just as you begin to get a foothold, things will change. Recession comes, technology changes the way people relate to your product, Google changes it search rankings, and competitors get better. The world is in a constant state of change, so you have to be ready to ride the wave.
Lack of feedback and accountability. Most people start their journeys alone. Guess what, that means there is no one to provide helpful input or even constructive criticism on a regular basis.
Competitors. There are plenty of other people and businesses trying to do the same thing you are. While they have to face the same demons in this list too, there are also changing, adapting, and trying to be better then you.
It’s consuming. At some point you will probably get so consumed with your side project that you won’t be able to stop thinking about it. You will be scheming at your ‘real’ job, as you go to bed, and while you are playing with your children. It WILL take over your life.
Criticism. Most people won’t get what your are doing. When people don’t understand or don’t agree they try to convince you to stop. People don’t like new things and most are more willing to lend you a dose of discouragement rather than a helping hand. Ironically, they think they are being helpful.
So much you don’t know. This is related to learning, but uniquely describes the confusion and paralyzing effect that not knowing the right path can have on your side hustle. There is no yellow brick road to follow.
Too many options. Being in complete control affords you the power go in any and every direction with every choice. While this is quite freeing it often makes things much more difficult. Choosing between the best of two options is much easier than coming up with 20 great options and then having to pick the ‘right’ one.
Luck. There is an element of luck that you really can’t control no matter how hard you try. You can put yourself into the best position to get lucky more often than others, but you can’t fully control anything. The person whose blog isn’t as good as yours may have randomly attracted the eye of a a major news outlet and get tons of traffic. Stuff like that will happen.
Watching other’s success. Seeing others succeed can be quite encouraging, inspirational, and educational, but other times it will frustrate you to tears. It can leave you lamenting and disillusioned.
No help. When you want go on vacation you can’t without major planning. No breaks, you do everything.
Slow going. For most of us success isn’t achieved over night, but you are so eager for it to happen. You want it to happen so fast that you even take shortcuts just to get some positive results. Even then you won’t be able to see the benefit of most of your actions take until much later in the future. No one will read your blog for months, but if you don’t suffer through those times you can’t get to the good stuff. The disparity between what you want to happen and what actually happens is torturous.
Fear of failure. Trying to avoid failure is a recipe for failure. You end up not providing enough value, because you are so focused on not losing rather than focusing on making your self irreplacable. The even more ironic part is that you will most likely fail. It is better to accept and embrace that fact now.
Fear of success. It may sound a bit strange, but you may not be willing to do what others are doing to do to succeed. The margnitude and force of this list will grow as your own success grows and you don’t look forward to that. Maybe you are afriad to get too big or too well known. People might really notice and search information that you don’t want to come out. Maybe just maybe you think becoming big will destroy your love for what you do. You see examples of successful people who still aren’t happy and are in fact more miserable then when they started.
Yourself. The same personality flaws that existed before you started will become even more visible. Your procrastination will most likely get worse with more things to do. Your shyness will hold your business back. Without intentionally attacking your foibles, they will erode you chances at success.
There is only one you. It is pretty darn hard to teach someone else to be you. You think you know everything about how stuff works and how things should be, but that just makes it hard to give up control and get help.
You can’t be perfect, although you want too. You don’t have the time, knowledge, or money to make things exactly how you want them. It just is, accept it. You have to be able to cope with making things that best you can in a short amount of time.
You aren’t passionate about what you do. This is a quick recipe for failure. If you don’t love what you do, you won’t be able to battle through the tough times. Even if you do love what every it is you are trying to do, it will still be tough. Your passion will be infectouous, so don’t leave home without it.
Distracted by money. At some point you will start to lose authenticity and do things just because you can make money. This isn’t something that is sustainable and often severely damages you long term goals. Sometimes it turns a fun hobby that made some money into something that forces you to spend extra hours working each week.
Sleep. You have a love/hate relationship with it. You need it, but since you have so much to do you never get enough. Without proper sleep your performance and mental capacities diminish and that slows you down, but you can’t get more sleep because there is too much to do.
Imbalance. Your girlfriend complains that you don’t see enough of each other. The kids complain that you are on the computer all the time. You can’t walk be the computer without checking something. You can’t enjoy the weekend or vacation, because your todo list haunts you. You eat out all the time because you don’t have time to cook. You don’t exercise. The sad part is that all of these types of concessions will effect your ability to sustain your output and desire that is required for your long journey.
The business is intrusive. This is different than consuming which describes the internal state of being uber-busyness. Intrusive is more about the external demands on your life. The email that has to be answered right now. The website that goes down during dinner. The important phone call while you are on a date. The business wants to be first in your life, and it will scratch and claw to get there.
Your other job. You will probably begin to despise it if you didn’t already. It only interferes with your plans for world domination. You will imagine all the wonderful things you could do with all that extra time. Or worse you will begin to use time at your career job to do side hustle stuff. Amazingly it won’t be as hard to justify as you think. At best this is a recipe for a horrible attitude at work and at worst would cause a job loss before you are ready.
Burn out. It will come. How can it not with such a list of daunting demons lurking at your side and only one person fighting the battle.
It is hard. If anyone tells you differently, they were probably in the right place at the right time. If you don’t think that it is hard after reading this list, than you better get started right away because you are destined for success.

» Filed Under Chasing Dreams, Living with Purpose, Productivity

The End My Rope – When Trying Harder Just Isn’t Good Enough

Posted by The Happy Rock on June 26, 2009

Something has to change. I am at the point in life where you are honest enough to realize that what you have been doing just isn’t working. You finally realize that just tweaking a few things and trying harder just isn’t going to do it. I have tried hack after hack and rededication after rededicaton and if I keep trying it, I know I am going to get the same result. SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE.

I am talking about my side businesses and entrepreneur dreams: The Happy Rock, Top Blog Posts, and my so called strategic web consultant business. In April of last year I finished my MBA and created great plans for the next year. It is now well over a year and things are almost exactly where they were 15 months ago. It just isn’t working. I had the plan and it just hasn’t come together. I had dreams of replacing 30-50% of my income, I failed. I still have the same mediocre blog and not much else.

In the back of my mind I know that it is OK. I enjoy failure to some degree. It is a new challenge that will require new skills and approaches and a strength that must be received, because my effort isn’t good enough. It is also encouraging that a lot of my awesome successes in my life have sprung out of failure.

So why did I fail this time?

I am not fully sure yet, but I do know three huge areas that are glaring culprits:

Failure to focus on the tasks that provide the most value. I get about 2 hours a night if I am lucky and it is easy to spend it all checking email, tweaking a design, fighting sleep, or even just wasting time. It is quite another thing to spend my limited time doing high impact tasks that are usually much harder and offer a lot more resistance and discomfort. The high value tasks that I have avoided like the plague are prayer and meditation, researching and writing great content that helps people, and directly helping others achieve their dreams(especially through strategy consulting).

Not facing my fears and discomfort. Web strategy consulting requires skills and knowledge that are quite underdeveloped. I can do the web development no problem, but small business marketing is a newer endeavor. I must also overcome my shyness to create leads, communicate effectively, and impart vision and hope. I have pretty much avoided that business altogether; it was the path of most resistance. Oddly enough it is the path I feel the most attracted to and deepest call to pursue.

Not focusing on others. Businesses make money because they provide value. Fulfillment comes from positively contributing to world that far beyond your self interest. I have spent much of the year so focused on what I am trying to accomplish that I lost all perspective when it comes to helping others. I am not a particularly giving person by nature, so this another area that requires tapping into resources that outside my own ability.

So where does that leave me.? Again I am not all that sure yet. Nothing drastic is happening as of now, but rest assured it will. It has too. I desire my dreams I have been given far too much.

» Filed Under Chasing Dreams

2008 Gratitude Post – Thank You For A Good Year

Posted by The Happy Rock on January 1, 2009

As 2008 was ushered I wanted to take a few moments to look back and remember another good year.

The Happy Pebble Jr. joined The Rock Garden in January
Stayed Debt Free and saved substantial money towards a 20% down payment on a bigger house
MBA from Drexel University Completed
Renovated and placed our condo on the market
Continued at a stable good paying job
Increased side income from blogging and other online ventures
The Happy Rock readership has tripled in 2008
Blog traffic is up 400% to about 400 hits a day

Pretty good year! It is amazing what actually trying to think and be positive does to your perspective. In my year end reflection I was a bit disheartened and down beat about 2008, but when I started to focus on the positive it is amazing how much better the past looks and in turn how much brighter the future looks.

Thanks to all my readers for a help contribute to a great year!

» Filed Under About Me(Goals), Chasing Dreams

Community In Action – Christmas Week Edition

Posted by The Happy Rock on December 29, 2008

What’s Your Why? The Importance Of Finding Meaning In Your Life – @ Get Rich Slowly via Her Every Penny Counts – I couldn’t agree more. Passion and meaning are the things that carry us, motivate us, and bring true success. Here is a related THR post on goals vs. passion from a while back.

The Mythical Thin Wallet @ Blueprint for Financial Prosperity – I can be a messy walleter, but I carry it in the ‘man bag’. I do like the thought of giving stuff a good home outside of your wallet and planning rather than trying to use the wallet to be a just in case catch all.

New Year’s Resolution Workshop #3: Save for a Down Payment @ The Simple Dollar

Credit Card Reform – Be Careful What You Wish For – @ Debt Goal

Marriage and Money – 5 Tips @ Scordo

2008 Best Personal Finance Posts @ Green Panda Treehouse

A Simple Life Is A Good Life – I Believe Less Is More @ My Super-Charged Life

» Filed Under Bloggers, Chasing Dreams

Our Rules For Buying A House

Posted by The Happy Rock on November 6, 2008

The Rock Garden has been planning a move back to Pennsylvania for a long time now and the wheels are finally in motion. The logistics of trying to sell our house, buy a new house, and deal with changing both our jobs is a bit scary at times, but it is something we both want(especially me).

We have been talking about this move for years, so we have laid out some common sense principles that will help keep us on track when the house buying frenzy begins to cloud our thinking. It is easy to get caught up in the moment or make a rash decision that can be a huge financial set back. We have all seen the effects of making mistakes with mortgage in the news in recent months, it’s not pretty. The whole point is that a house to be a blessing rather than a curse. It should strengthen your family and marriage not put more stress on it. That is why we came up with this list.

Limit our mortgage to 25% of our take home pay. I know that sounds a little conservative, but living within those means frees your money and energy to focus on more important things and makes the house a blessing. If you go too much over that you really are starting to ask for trouble. Don’t let your mortgage guy tell you how much you can afford, only you know your situation. They also usually base pre-approval numbers on gross pay which makes it seem like you can afford more house that you really can.

I know people will say that if they followed this rule they will never own a house, but I say it just means you need to be more creative or raise your income. A house isn’t worth a broken marriage, bankruptcy, health problems, stress, or a host of possible bad outcomes when you leverage yourself too much.

I have been toying around with making the guideline 33% of your take home on a mortgage and taxes, which gives you a little more freedom to find a spot with lower taxes and while taking on a little more mortgage. In New Jersey property taxes are often 20-35% of the mortgage cost on average. I pay a ridiculous $3,300 in taxes for a 900sqft condo and I don’t even own the exterior of the home or any land. In essence a 200k mortgage and $6,000 in taxes is roughly equivalent to a $225,000 mortgage and $3,000 in taxes. as far a monthly payment goes.

Put 20% down. This gets you the best rate possible and avoids the extra monthly cost of the Private Mortgage Insurance ripoff. Unfortunately, we probably won’t have 20% in cash unless we don’t move until late Spring, so part of the 20% will be from our equity in our current home. This makes timing the two transaction much more tricky, but we will have to live with it.

Purchase a conventional 15 to 30 year fixed mortgage. If you need an ARM or some dubious mortgage product like interest only or balloon mortgage, it should be a clear signal that your are in over your head. Interest rates are still very low historically, so lock in and let it be.

Buy in a good school district and diverse area. This includes using the Great Schools website for research to scout out a highly rated school. For our transracial family it is also extremely important for us to buy in a neighborhood that is racially diverse, for the benefit of our children.

Avoid homeowners association and fees. Been there, done that, paid the tax, not going back.

Buy a house that will work for 10-15 years. Yes, we plan on staying a while, so we have to really like the house. A couple thousand dollars here or there will not make a huge difference on us in that kind of time frame, so focus on getting the right house rather than pinching pennies. This one is mainly for me, the frugal nerd. I could probably survive in a one room shack if it had a little land to play in, but that would never meet the needs of the Rockette our Pebbles.

Making decisions on paper as a couple is crucial if we want to make sure we make a good decision. With these guidelines laid out, we now have the criteria to judge whether a new home purchase will be a good one.

Are than any other tips or principles that other readers have used or swear by?

» Filed Under Chasing Dreams, Marriage(Communication), Materialism, Real Estate

Mark Cuban Blogs About How To Get Rich

Posted by The Happy Rock on October 7, 2008

A co-worker shared this blog post by Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks NBA basketball team, with me and I thought it was fascinating. For those that don’t know Mark Cuban is a rags to riches stories who went from broke and jobless in 1982 to a wildly successful entrepreneur worth 2.8 billion dollars in about 25 years. In this article he shares his tips to becoming rich. Here is my ultra quick summary.

Develop personal discipline
Live frugally
Avoid debt
Have cash
Find a niche in an area you love
Use the cash to seize opportunities when it comes
Bust it hard

Here is a quote that gives you a good flavor of his attitude: “If you use a credit card, you don’t want to be rich. The first step to getting rich, requires discipline. If you really want to be rich, you need to find the discipline, can you ?”

If you follow the link at the bottom of the article you can also read the story of his rise from nothing. Mucho entertaining and inspiring.

Enjoy.

» Filed Under Chasing Dreams, Credit Cards, Financial Succes

Finding Out What Matters – A Perfect Day Review

Posted by The Happy Rock on August 25, 2008

I recently finished a fiction novel called A Perfect Day by Richard Paul Evans. I am not sure how it got on our bookshelf, but I needed something to read one night and the dust jacket pulled me in enough to start it. I was pleasantly surprised. It isn’t a masterpiece, but it kept my interest and left me satisfied. I was even more surprised that it touched upon a couple of personal finance topics that I find near to my heart and I had no personal finance agenda when I started out.

The story covers a business man that finds himself abruptly out of work and decides to accomplish a life long dream of finishing his first novel. The novel lands him a top the bestseller list and he relishes the whirlwind fame while his wife and daughter are left watching his life from a distance. The main character ends up on an unexpected journey to find out what is important to him in the midst of his new found fame and money.

Below is an excerpt that will give you a flavor of the story behind the story. The scene is towards the end of the novel during an interview between the main character and Diane Sawyer with his wife and daughter watching back home. It is the point were he begins to come to the realization that he lost his way, an apology of sorts.

Diane Sawyer – I imagine that your sudden success has been a little overwhelming.
Robert Harlan - It has. In ways I wasn’t ready for it. Frankly, if I had to do it over again…I wouldn’t
Diane Sawyer – There are probably several thousand aspiring authors watching us right now who would give anything to be in your shoes.
Robert Harlan – I am sure there are. And I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. My readers have been great, so have my publisher and agent. But success can be a trap. Maybe someone else could have handled success better. But I lost sight of the big picture. My book is a best-seller for a little while, at least until the next big thing bumps me off, but I will always be a husband. And I will always be a father. If I give up those things for a temporary seat in the musical chairs of fame, then I am a fool.

If you like that type of fiction or those topics interest you, grab a copy from the local library and give it a read. It might just impact your career and your finances.

» Filed Under Books, Careers, Chasing Dreams

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