The End My Rope - When Trying Harder Just Isn’t Good Enough

Posted by The Happy Rock on June 26, 2009

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Something has to change. I am at the point in life where you are honest enough to realize that what you have been doing just isn’t working. You finally realize that just tweaking a few things and trying harder just isn’t going to do it. I have tried hack after hack and rededication after rededicaton and if I keep trying it, I know I am going to get the same result. SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE.

I am talking about my side businesses and entrepreneur dreams: The Happy Rock, Top Blog Posts, and my so called strategic web consultant business. In April of last year I finished my MBA and created great plans for the next year. It is now well over a year and things are almost exactly where they were 15 months ago. It just isn’t working. I had the plan and it just hasn’t come together. I had dreams of replacing 30-50% of my income, I failed. I still have the same mediocre blog and not much else.

In the back of my mind I know that it is OK. I enjoy failure to some degree. It is a new challenge that will require new skills and approaches and a strength that must be received, because my effort isn’t good enough. It is also encouraging that a lot of my awesome successes in my life have sprung out of failure.

So why did I fail this time?

I am not fully sure yet, but I do know three huge areas that are glaring culprits:

Failure to focus on the tasks that provide the most value. I get about 2 hours a night if I am lucky and it is easy to spend it all checking email, tweaking a design, fighting sleep, or even just wasting time. It is quite another thing to spend my limited time doing high impact tasks that are usually much harder and offer a lot more resistance and discomfort. The high value tasks that I have avoided like the plague are prayer and meditation, researching and writing great content that helps people, and directly helping others achieve their dreams(especially through strategy consulting).

Not facing my fears and discomfort. Web strategy consulting requires skills and knowledge that are quite underdeveloped. I can do the web development no problem, but small business marketing is a newer endeavor. I must also overcome my shyness to create leads, communicate effectively, and impart vision and hope. I have pretty much avoided that business altogether; it was the path of most resistance. Oddly enough it is the path I feel the most attracted to and deepest call to pursue.

Not focusing on others. Businesses make money because they provide value. Fulfillment comes from positively contributing to world that far beyond your self interest. I have spent much of the year so focused on what I am trying to accomplish that I lost all perspective when it comes to helping others. I am not a particularly giving person by nature, so this another area that requires tapping into resources that outside my own ability.

So where does that leave me.? Again I am not all that sure yet. Nothing drastic is happening as of now, but rest assured it will. It has too. I desire my dreams I have been given far too much.

» Filed Under Chasing Dreams

2008 Gratitude Post - Thank You For A Good Year

Posted by The Happy Rock on January 1, 2009

As 2008 was ushered I wanted to take a few moments to look back and remember another good year.

The Happy Pebble Jr. joined The Rock Garden in January
Stayed Debt Free and saved substantial money towards a 20% down payment on a bigger house
MBA from Drexel University Completed
Renovated and placed our condo on the market
Continued at a stable good paying job
Increased side income from blogging and other online ventures
The Happy Rock readership has tripled in 2008
Blog traffic is up 400% to about 400 hits a day

Pretty good year! It is amazing what actually trying to think and be positive does to your perspective. In my year end reflection I was a bit disheartened and down beat about 2008, but when I started to focus on the positive it is amazing how much better the past looks and in turn how much brighter the future looks.

Thanks to all my readers for a help contribute to a great year!

» Filed Under About Me(Goals), Chasing Dreams

Community In Action - Christmas Week Edition

Posted by The Happy Rock on December 29, 2008

What’s Your Why? The Importance Of Finding Meaning In Your Life - @ Get Rich Slowly via Her Every Penny Counts - I couldn’t agree more. Passion and meaning are the things that carry us, motivate us, and bring true success. Here is a related THR post on goals vs. passion from a while back.

The Mythical Thin Wallet @ Blueprint for Financial Prosperity - I can be a messy walleter, but I carry it in the ‘man bag’. I do like the thought of giving stuff a good home outside of your wallet and planning rather than trying to use the wallet to be a just in case catch all.

New Year’s Resolution Workshop #3: Save for a Down Payment @ The Simple Dollar

Credit Card Reform - Be Careful What You Wish For - @ Debt Goal

Marriage and Money - 5 Tips @ Scordo

2008 Best Personal Finance Posts @ Green Panda Treehouse

A Simple Life Is A Good Life - I Believe Less Is More @ My Super-Charged Life

» Filed Under Bloggers, Chasing Dreams

Our Rules For Buying A House

Posted by The Happy Rock on November 6, 2008

The Rock Garden has been planning a move back to Pennsylvania for a long time now and the wheels are finally in motion. The logistics of trying to sell our house, buy a new house, and deal with changing both our jobs is a bit scary at times, but it is something we both want(especially me).

We have been talking about this move for years, so we have laid out some common sense principles that will help keep us on track when the house buying frenzy begins to cloud our thinking. It is easy to get caught up in the moment or make a rash decision that can be a huge financial set back. We have all seen the effects of making mistakes with mortgage in the news in recent months, it’s not pretty. The whole point is that a house to be a blessing rather than a curse. It should strengthen your family and marriage not put more stress on it. That is why we came up with this list.

Limit our mortgage to 25% of our take home pay. I know that sounds a little conservative, but living within those means frees your money and energy to focus on more important things and makes the house a blessing. If you go too much over that you really are starting to ask for trouble. Don’t let your mortgage guy tell you how much you can afford, only you know your situation. They also usually base pre-approval numbers on gross pay which makes it seem like you can afford more house that you really can.

I know people will say that if they followed this rule they will never own a house, but I say it just means you need to be more creative or raise your income. A house isn’t worth a broken marriage, bankruptcy, health problems, stress, or a host of possible bad outcomes when you leverage yourself too much.

I have been toying around with making the guideline 33% of your take home on a mortgage and taxes, which gives you a little more freedom to find a spot with lower taxes and while taking on a little more mortgage. In New Jersey property taxes are often 20-35% of the mortgage cost on average. I pay a ridiculous $3,300 in taxes for a 900sqft condo and I don’t even own the exterior of the home or any land. In essence a 200k mortgage and $6,000 in taxes is roughly equivalent to a $225,000 mortgage and $3,000 in taxes. as far a monthly payment goes.

Put 20% down. This gets you the best rate possible and avoids the extra monthly cost of the Private Mortgage Insurance ripoff. Unfortunately, we probably won’t have 20% in cash unless we don’t move until late Spring, so part of the 20% will be from our equity in our current home. This makes timing the two transaction much more tricky, but we will have to live with it.

Purchase a conventional 15 to 30 year fixed mortgage. If you need an ARM or some dubious mortgage product like interest only or balloon mortgage, it should be a clear signal that your are in over your head. Interest rates are still very low historically, so lock in and let it be.

Buy in a good school district and diverse area. This includes using the Great Schools website for research to scout out a highly rated school. For our transracial family it is also extremely important for us to buy in a neighborhood that is racially diverse, for the benefit of our children.

Avoid homeowners association and fees. Been there, done that, paid the tax, not going back.

Buy a house that will work for 10-15 years. Yes, we plan on staying a while, so we have to really like the house. A couple thousand dollars here or there will not make a huge difference on us in that kind of time frame, so focus on getting the right house rather than pinching pennies. This one is mainly for me, the frugal nerd. I could probably survive in a one room shack if it had a little land to play in, but that would never meet the needs of the Rockette our Pebbles.

Making decisions on paper as a couple is crucial if we want to make sure we make a good decision. With these guidelines laid out, we now have the criteria to judge whether a new home purchase will be a good one.

Are than any other tips or principles that other readers have used or swear by?

» Filed Under Chasing Dreams, Marriage(Communication), Materialism, Real Estate

Mark Cuban Blogs About How To Get Rich

Posted by The Happy Rock on October 7, 2008

A co-worker shared this blog post by Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks NBA basketball team, with me and I thought it was fascinating. For those that don’t know Mark Cuban is a rags to riches stories who went from broke and jobless in 1982 to a wildly successful entrepreneur worth 2.8 billion dollars in about 25 years. In this article he shares his tips to becoming rich. Here is my ultra quick summary.

Develop personal discipline
Live frugally
Avoid debt
Have cash
Find a niche in an area you love
Use the cash to seize opportunities when it comes
Bust it hard

Here is a quote that gives you a good flavor of his attitude: “If you use a credit card, you don’t want to be rich. The first step to getting rich, requires discipline. If you really want to be rich, you need to find the discipline, can you ?”

If you follow the link at the bottom of the article you can also read the story of his rise from nothing. Mucho entertaining and inspiring.

Enjoy.

» Filed Under Chasing Dreams, Credit Cards, Financial Succes

Finding Out What Matters - A Perfect Day Review

Posted by The Happy Rock on August 25, 2008

I recently finished a fiction novel called A Perfect Day by Richard Paul Evans. I am not sure how it got on our bookshelf, but I needed something to read one night and the dust jacket pulled me in enough to start it. I was pleasantly surprised. It isn’t a masterpiece, but it kept my interest and left me satisfied. I was even more surprised that it touched upon a couple of personal finance topics that I find near to my heart and I had no personal finance agenda when I started out.

The story covers a business man that finds himself abruptly out of work and decides to accomplish a life long dream of finishing his first novel. The novel lands him a top the bestseller list and he relishes the whirlwind fame while his wife and daughter are left watching his life from a distance. The main character ends up on an unexpected journey to find out what is important to him in the midst of his new found fame and money.

Below is an excerpt that will give you a flavor of the story behind the story. The scene is towards the end of the novel during an interview between the main character and Diane Sawyer with his wife and daughter watching back home. It is the point were he begins to come to the realization that he lost his way, an apology of sorts.

Diane Sawyer - I imagine that your sudden success has been a little overwhelming.
Robert Harlan - It has. In ways I wasn’t ready for it. Frankly, if I had to do it over again…I wouldn’t
Diane Sawyer - There are probably several thousand aspiring authors watching us right now who would give anything to be in your shoes.
Robert Harlan - I am sure there are. And I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. My readers have been great, so have my publisher and agent. But success can be a trap. Maybe someone else could have handled success better. But I lost sight of the big picture. My book is a best-seller for a little while, at least until the next big thing bumps me off, but I will always be a husband. And I will always be a father. If I give up those things for a temporary seat in the musical chairs of fame, then I am a fool.

If you like that type of fiction or those topics interest you, grab a copy from the local library and give it a read. It might just impact your career and your finances.

» Filed Under Books, Careers, Chasing Dreams

Decisions, Decisions…It Is Hard To Choose A New Career

Posted by Debt Destroyer on August 24, 2008

When I last talked about my future plans I mentioned that I contacted two local schools.

A State School where I’d earn a teachers certificate.
A Private School where I’d become a Rad Tech.

Option #1 would take 3-4 semesters. Option #2 would take 3 years. Option #1 would cost about one third of what option #2 would cost. Option #1 would also make considerably less than option #2 upon graduation.

Hmmmm.

I decided to be a teacher.

Almost everyone who I talked to this last month when I explained my choices has said, “you’d make a good teacher” or something to that effect. I think deep down I’ve wanted to be a teacher for a very long time. But various reasons have kept me from exploring this idea. I think the lack of pay was the biggest. The next biggest would be my mother.

She would always rant and rave when teachers would be on the news asking for more money (South Dakota ranks 51st in the nation for teacher pay…we must be very proud of this fact, because we’ve done nothing over the years to change it). I would always take the teachers side of the argument. At the time I thought I was just playing devil’s advocate to spice up a boring dinner conversation, but looking back I think there was more there. Interesting…two straight posts with some personal reflection.

At least that is the plan today, it could easily change by the time you read this.

I say it could easily change because there are a few concerns about going this route:

Will we be able to afford me going back to school?
Will I find a job upon graduation that doesn’t require relocating?
Will I like it

This first one is my biggest concern (probably because we will face it right away). My wife’s wedding photography business if doing great, but I think she’s still 9 months away from making “real” money.

I of course will be working while going to school, but part time jobs around here pay peanuts (heck most full time jobs do too). So I’m thinking about applying for a sanitation worker opening that is being advertised currently. This way I could work until next fall when my wife’s business should really be going strong and we’d definitely be able to afford sending me back to school.

The second area of concern is also related to my wife’s business. She’ll make more money being a wedding photographer than I will as a teacher. So it will be stupid if I have to move to get a low paying job that will require her to relocate her business and start from scratch.

The 3rd area of concern is one I have with everything. As I mentioned in a previous post I’ve never had a job where I enjoyed what I was doing. So now it’s a constant worry that I have. But I’m not overly concerned with it this time. So far I’ve never really had a job that focused on human interaction, and I think that is what I’ve been missing. Plus the flexibility of two full months off in the summer would be great.

So here I am after 4 weeks still pondering the same basic ideas:

School or Work?

Garbageman or Teacher?

What are your thoughts?

Until next time,

-DD

» Filed Under About The Debt Defier, Careers, Chasing Dreams

Community In Action - Get In Touch With Your Why

Posted by The Happy Rock on July 27, 2008

This week’s stroll around the personal finance posts revealed a great list of articles.

We start with two great articles that talk about on of my most important adjustment to many financial plans, figuring out why you are changing your financial habits and using that to create motivation to carry you through. Frugal Dad shares identifying the why and RC @ Think Your Way To Wealth talks about developing burning desire.

A second Frugal Dad post explores his path to financial maturity by getting rid of his new truck. Especially relevant, because DD is considering selling his car to aid his debt elimination.

Not The Jet Set shares how their envelope system works. I often recommend the envelope system as an option for people trying to get a grip on their finances, but I don’t have much practical advice to offer since we never went through that step.

Presh at Mind Your Decisions shared how we are a sleep deprived nation and how much it effects us. I covered sleep your way to better finances in April and discovered some more experimental evidence for how much a good night sleeps positively effects my mood, energy, motivation, patience, and happiness.

Squakfox shared 50 reasons to use reusable bags. I shared how to make profit from reusable bags.

Finally why not to make money with blogging. I had to include this for my weekly dose of humility as I saw some of myself in that article and the pitfalls. I often fall back on more common type posts when time is limited. It is something hopefully the readers haven’t noticed, but something I will actively try and change.

» Filed Under Bloggers, Chasing Dreams

Tipping The Personal Finance Scales In Your Favor

Posted by The Happy Rock on June 12, 2008

I wrote earlier about the moment/idea that marked that turned around our financial journey. Today, I wanted to talk about the moment when the momentum for positive change became unstoppable.

This is the moment when I felt like our plan finally came together. Where all the hard work finally culminated in an unburdened, energized, free to pursue my dreams fist pumping YESSSSS! type feeling.

What was the moment? It was about 4 and half years from when we decided to get out of debt when we finally had 6 months expenses locked away in an ING direct account. We had gotten to that limit before, but we had to tap into some emergency funds because we needed to cover adoption expenses when our second son came sooner than expected. This time we had made it for good.

The point when we sent in our last payment on the last of our debt(besides a mortgage) was a great feeling and made us feel like we accomplished something monumental, but all we had to show for it was nothing. We had spent 4 years paying back money we had already spent. It wasn’t until we had $12,000 in cash that we could tangibly visualize the effects of all our efforts.

With that tangible reminder of all the hard work in the form of an emergency fund came a host of other benefits.

Hundreds of dollars a year in interest. Our money was working for us rather than against us!
A peace that came from knowing that we could handle almost every situation, even job loss.
A motivating freedom that made all our dreams in life seem possible. I know it sounds a little Hallmark, but it really is true. I don’t feel like there are any barriers to hold us back. We have accomplished so much already by 30 that we really need to sit down and repopulate or life goals list.
Cash Flow. As it stands now, only 50% of our income needs to go towards actual expenses. We have complete freedom over they other 50% of our income. What does that mean? One example is that I think it is quite possible to save close to 20% for a new house down payment in just a year. That sounds like freedom to me.

If that isn’t a motivating list, I don’t know what is. I really am not exaggerating for effects of the culmination of 5 years of hard work either. I would have thought that once we reached a milestone like that we would have ’slacked off’, but getting over that mountain opened a world of new possibilities that is spurring us to even greater heights. Having no debt expect for a mortgage and six months of expenses stockpiles for emergencies really does feel as good as it sounds.

» Filed Under Chasing Dreams, Debt Elimination, Motivation

My Personal Finance Tipping Point

Posted by The Happy Rock on June 11, 2008

This post is in response to Free From Broke’s tipping point contest.

For those that don’t know a The Tipping Point is a book and term coined by Malcom Gladwell in 2002. It refers to “the level at which the momentum for change becomes unstoppable.“^[1] The term was an attempt to quantify and understand what makes certain phenomenon and ideas take off. Why does an unknown book vault into the best seller list or a website like I Can Has CheezBurger go viral.

Click Here for the link to the book on Amazon and here for the book preview from Google.

It is a little bit of a stretch to apply this term to your own financial journey, but I think it really creates some thoughtful discussion. I like breaking your financial journey into two tipping point as FFB mentioned in the original article. One for when you reversed you financial direction and one when all the changes from tipping point one changed into unstoppable success.

The tipping point that changed my life around was when I began to realize that having debt was slavery. It wasn’t one moment that caused a switch, but a the convergence of multiple thoughts and personal development areas. As I pictured my life and where I wanted to go, I realized that having debt was a $70,000 weight. I couldn’t quit my job, because I had bills to pay. I couldn’t begin to entertain becoming an entrepreneur or or creating the family life I wanted. Debt was a hindrance to almost every dream/goal that I wanted to pursue. It had to go. I started listening to free Dave Ramsey shows on the internet, reading personal finance books, and I my life has not been the same. 5 years later, our debt except for a mortgage is gone, we have 6 months expenses in an emergency fund, adopted two children without needing debt, bought two cars with cash, and feel liberated and empowered to pursue our dreams.

I will discuss my success tipping point tomorrow.

» Filed Under Chasing Dreams, Debt Elimination, Psychology of Debt

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