Top 5 Reasons The New Year’s Resolutions Fail

Posted by The Happy Rock on January 7, 2008

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Like clockwork New Year’s comes and everyone fantasizes about some habit they want to kick or a good behavior they want to start. I was on the resolution train for years, only to realize I was lucky to make it to February. I am here to offer some reasons why New Year’s resolutions aren’t lasting recipe for change.

Resolutions are so common place that everyone feels like they need to do them. They get created out of habit rather than conviction, motivation, or passion. Even if the desire is there, the planning and preparation are often half hearted or non existent. Writing them down, planning, preparing, reading, and learning are crucial to creating lasting life changes. Half the time we can barely recall what the previous year’s resolution.
Resolutions are often derive from negative emotions. Changes that are built around positive results and motivation, rather then ‘stopping’ something have a much greater chance to be successful
No accountability. Everyone knows resolutions fail, but we try anyway without changing the formula. We rarely involve family, friends, or support groups and no one cares(even ourselves) when the resolution is abandoned by mid January.
Resolutions are overwhelming. Our unhappiness with the past year or our zeal for the New Year causes us to bite off way more than we can chew. The huge weight we create for ourselves serves only to drag us into hopelessness. Smaller specific goals are more likely to be achieved. Even the divide and conquer method can be a great help.
Resolutions are too broad/general. Vagueness usually leaves room for use to say ‘yeah, sure I did X in 2007’. ‘Spend less money in 2008’ is a admirable goal, but it is unlikely to have a significant impact on your life without quantifying how much you spend now, having a specific target goal, and measuring your progress.

That has been my experience with resolutions, hopefully yours is different. Is it?

What’s the alternative? The real goal is to create a life attitude and structure that constantly embraces and promotes self growth, rather than one that skates along the whole year until some arbitrary day where culture says you should try to change something about yourself. Is New Year’s a great time for reflection? Absolutely, but it should be just one many reflection and change points throughout the year, not a day that you need to make up for all the lost time of the previous year. Another alternative is 30 day experiments with proper preparation and motivation. They can be excellent ways to create positive self growth.

» Filed Under Accountability, Experiments, Habits, Motivation

Should I Report Ethical Misconduct At Work(Poll Included)

Posted by The Happy Rock on November 11, 2007

The Simple Dollar tackled this question this week, and it really got me thinking. I must admit that I was surprised at the non-confrontational I can’t be a tattler sentiment in the article and in the comments. Somehow it feels frustrating that this is the accepted culture of business, but I guess that is reality. If I am honest with myself, it isn’t any easy decision for me either.

With as a backdrop I wanted to explore some of the feeling and perspectives that feed into our current ethical reality.

Reporting someone else’s unethical behavior reminds us of all our own failures. No one is perfect; we would rather not face our own rough edges, so we don’t want to bring up someone else’s.
We don’t want others reporting/exposing us.
We fear ruining relationships with our coworkers.
We fear being wrong and being humiliated by making false accusations.
We don’t think the behavior is all that bad.
We don’t think about the personal impact these situations can have. Unethical behaviors in the workplace have unseen consequences. Often our own ethical standards are subconsciously lowered. Resentment by other group members can arise. Coworker productivity can be affected.
We don’t trust our companies to handle the situation with tact. Maybe they will overreact to a small infraction, or maybe they won’t address a major infraction. Or maybe they will force us to take front stage throughout the whole investigation.
We don’t think about the company’s perspective. Try framing the situation such that you are a business owner. Would you want to know when someone is cooking the books, or selling office supplies on eBay, or not working all of their hours?
People assume that management already knows. Although it is often the case that management isn’t as in touch with the day to day operations as we think.

I am not going to go into detail about which of those are good or bad, but the list can provide us with excellent thought points. Personally, I would love to see companies create cultures where unethical behavior is not accepted(that includes within me). They need to recognize that pointing out someone’s unethical behavior is a very hard decision, and create a policy and culture that helps make that decision as easy as possible. This includes handling each case tactfully and appropriately.

Below is a poll that will attempt to capture the overall sentiment towards reporting unethical behavior:

Opinion Polls & Market Research

» Filed Under Accountability, Careers

Principles in Action #2 : Accountability and Friends Can Save Your Finances

Posted by The Happy Rock on October 12, 2007

This is the second post in the principles in action series that will illuminate a practical application of a positive life principal. The first in the series addressed treating others like they have value.

The advertisement @ the Clever Dude was about the 100th time I had been bombarded with the free $250 for opening an American Express Business Rewards Gold Card offer, and I was finally ready to give in and get the money. I usually stay away from signing up for credit card schemes or opening a new savings account at every bank with a good intro offer. I just don’t think these schemes are usually worth the stress, effort, hassle, and most importantly they rob my attention from tasks that I deem more valuable to our overall health and wealth. That offer didn’t fit into our financial plan when we were getting out of debt and still doesn’t, but my resolve was finally beaten down past the point I could handle.

Over dinner I mentioned the offer to The Happy Rockette and asked her opinion. She politely said, don’t worry about it. It wasn’t our style, and her resolve wasn’t waning. She knew our plan and our values, and this wasn’t part of it. Two seconds after hearing that, I snapped back to reality and said ‘you’re right, what was I thinking’. The blinders had lifted, and I was back on track.

The principle here is to involve yourself with people in your life who will keep you accountable. People who will gracefully smack you around, and say you are being silly when they know you have lost your way. During the long haul of climbing out of debt, this is an utter necessity. You will lose focus and self control. At some point life will undoubtedly give you more than you can handle. The trick is to admit ahead of time and plan for it. Start building that support network now.

» Filed Under Accountability, Credit Cards, Debt Elimination, Friends, Marriage, Principles In Action

4 Ways Win By Quitting

Posted by The Happy Rock on August 31, 2007

Sometimes we get to the end of our rope and realize that what we are currently doing isn’t working. Take heart, despite how we may feel at the time, it might be the best thing that ever happened to us. So many successful people have the rock bottom story that changed their lives. Whether it is when the creditors started calling, the death of someone close, a sunken business, failed college course, or even the loss of a close friend to a huge mistake; they all hold opportunities for growth. Opportunities to change our lives. No matter how we get there, sometimes giving up and admitting that we are sinking is a huge step. Here are a few ways to that you can benefit and deal with ‘giving up’:

Realize that we all make mistakes. Sure some are bigger than others, but it doesn’t matter how we got there. We need to use that experience to change, not to keep ourselves trapped in self-pity and remorse.

Change Your Strategy. The perspective that comes from giving up often reveals the futility of our current course of action. When we are in the midst of the muck and mire, we continue to trudge the current path for lack of a better idea. Once we step back from our problems, we can start to think in solutions rather than problems. When you realize that your current income just isn’t cutting it, you can step back and look for answers. Rather than try and juggle your bills on too little money, we get a second job until we can turn it around. Maybe we sell a car to cut expenses, or even ask for a raise.

Talk to, learn from, and lean on others. The dose of humility that comes with admitting defeat often helps us realize that the task is bigger than us at this time. Talk to you wife, family, and best friends. Find support on a blog, or in an internet community. Give you best friend you credit card, if you can’t stop going into debt. Someone has been in your situation, and in worse. Find some common ground, and let others feed into you. Accept the help, it is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of humility and intelligence.

Divide and conquer. Often we spread ourselves so thin that we aren’t doing anything well, and the house of cards crumble. Sit done, come up with your priorities, and focus on the most important tasks. For example, if you are in over your head in debt, make sure the lights stay on and a roof over your head. Pay the minimum on all the debts, and focus your intensity on getting rid of one.

We have all been faced with turning point moments; the key is how we respond. I have often found that giving up, can be the right choice to turn things around. To wrap up, I wanted to share a small experience from two years ago. I happened to start my MBA, just two weeks before unexpectedly adopted our first son. Being a father to a newborn was quite an adjustment in and of itself, but throw a notoriously undisciplined and unorganized person trying to take two graduate classes on top of that, and I was bruised and beaten to say the least. I trudged through the first quarter, until my wife said this has got to stop. I really felt called to stay in school, but the current strategy(or lack of on) wasn’t working at all. I sat down with my wife, asked for some advice, and got her input on what would make her happy. She helped me lay out a plan for success, and I told her that if it didn’t work after this quarter I would call it quits. To my delight with some prayer and some help, that semester went providentially well. Amen, for giving up!

» Filed Under About Me, Accountability, Positive Thinking

My Sitemeter and pMetrics Addiction And Other Things We Do Too Much

Posted by The Happy Rock on August 15, 2007

Hi, my name is Frank and I have a problem! I am addicted to Sitemeter and any other web site tracking package. My new love is pMetrics. The statistics are tailored for blogs and it lets you easily track your visitor’s movement within your site. It combines my favorite reports from other sites into one visitor overview page. Plus it is much faster than loading than everything else I have tried. I haven’t needed to visit SiteMeter or anything else since I signed up. I know The Happy Rock is a small site, but that just means that there is more chance I haven’t received a new hit since I last checked. It is a shame that doesn’t stop me from checking.

Every blogger can probably relate to this type of stat fascination. The real problem is that incessantly checking these stats adds no value. I would even go so far as to say that it probably hurts my overall productivity in life and for The Happy Rock. Here is how:

Wasted Time - Time spent doing something that I could easy do just a few times, rather then a few times an hour is a real waste. I really don’t have time to waste either.
Lost Focus - The preoccupation with stats and interruptions that the addiction causes probably has the biggest impact on my daily life.
Lost Perspective - Constantly focusing on one task can shape our strategy to revolve around only small piece of the puzzle. The usually translates into bad decisions.

For the blogger and non-blogger, the bigger question is what do we do when we can’t stop ourselves from getting too much of a good thing or too much of things that provide little or no value? We all have plenty of these things in their life.

The start of the process is getting the problem out in the open, like I am doing here. It has been a day since I have written this, and just by sharing and listing the negative consequences the lure of stat checking has already lost some of its power.

What things do you know in the back of your mind you should avoid altogether or drastically cut back? J.D @ Get Rich Slowly shared yesterday that he recently got bitten by an old Magic The Gathering addiction to the tune of $161. Let’s start by getting the problem out in the open and listing the negative ways that it affects our lives and our money in the comments section. In a future post I will post reader tips and some concrete ways that I am going to deal with my pMetrics addiction.

Disclosure: pMetrics is an affiliate link, although that doesn’t change how good it is!

» Filed Under Accountability, Bloggers, Productivity

Friends Matter: Friends Accept Us The Way We Are, But…

Posted by The Happy Rock on June 21, 2007

We want people to accept us, it is a fact of human nature. Time and again you hear people sharing the same thought on friendship, “I want a friend that accepts who I am”. That sounds noble and uplifting enough, but let’s take a deeper look into that idea. Think about examples of people for whom nothing is ever expected. What becomes of the child whose parents give them everything, yet don’t expect anything?

Your dog Max accepts you, and so does a car salesman, or even a drug dealer. The question remains, “is that enough?”. I say no. Personally, I want to have friends that accept me the way I am, but love me enough to not let me stay that way. I want friends that will smack me over the head when I buy a 36″ TV on credit while having no income. I want a friend who calls me to task when I am not a man of my word. Someone who tells me I am not being patient with my son. Friends who are willing to step in and take your keys when they think you have had too much to drink. These are the types of friends that challenge us and help us grow. These are the types of friends that you need around when you are climbing out of $70,000 in debt. These are the types of friends that surround successful people.

Acceptance is not enough, real friends want the best possible life for us. Not the best life they think we should have, but the best life for us. I didn’t marry my wife, because she was the same as me, or because she is beautiful (although she is darn beautiful). I married her because she opens up my world, makes me see the world in new ways, and challenges me, but always always wants the best for me.

The real challenge is to evaluate your relationships, not only by how much they let you be you, but also how much they want you to experience the best. These type of relationships, like most things in this world, don’t start with other people, but with ourselves. We need to invite this type of accountability and friendship.

Be willing to take all criticism, whether right or wrong, and respond positively.
Be honest and open up about your dark sides.
Truly value other’s opinion. People won’t share if they don’t think you’ll care, or if it will break down the relationship.
Finally, we need to be able to lovingly accept others the way they are, and encourage them to change (if they want it).

Related Reading : Scott Young’s 10 Steps to Honest Feedback

» Filed Under Accountability, Chasing Dreams, Favorites, Friends, Motivation