Comments on: Marriage and Money – Giving Your Partner A Choice

By: Joanna Spilioti

Joanna Spilioti — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 02:33:53 +0000

Jacquelin ,
There’s always a excellent man behind a happy woman,too. Right?

By: Money Hacks Blog Carnival - Earth Day Edition | The Personal Finance Playbook

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 12:07:55 +0000

[...] Happy Rock presents Marriage and Money – Giving Your Partner A Choice posted at The Happy [...]

By: Quilt Completion Roundup

Quilt Completion Roundup — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 11:03:21 +0000

[...] article at The Happy Rock on treating your partner like they matter, especially when it comes to finances. For dominant financial partners–you know, those of us [...]

By: Helen

Helen — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 22:42:35 +0000

I don’t think you were reading too much into the situation at all, and you handled it nicely at the end. Too often in a relationship, one person is the “finance nerd” and thinks and plans the finances much more than the other partner, who sometimes (but not always) is just as happy to give up the burden of that responsibility.

I’m the “finance nerd” like you, and thoroughly research and think things out completely; therefore, the decision is pretty much made up in my mind by the time I bring it up in discussion. It can create a certain dynamic in the relationship, a type of subtle peer pressure. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit, but sometimes I can get arrogant enough to believe that since I invested so much more of my time to consider all options, my decision is the best one for our situation and thereafter, I end up subconsciously resisting any alternatives.

It takes a mature adult to always consider the other partner and ask for input. I know how difficult it can be to do that, especially if you’re thinking long term and the other person is thinking short term. It doesn’t sound like your wife is that way though – well done to both of you!

By: Jacquelin

Jacquelin — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 21:54:46 +0000

“Beside many successful men is a smart woman.”

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 18:59:35 +0000

I think it’s wonderful that a)you’re fortunate enough to give to those less fortunate b) you’re taking the time to discuss important causes and c) you realize when you make a mistake in your marriage and are willing to reflect on that and make an honest attempt at change. I’m sure your wife thanks you for that!

By: Kristy @ Master Your Card

Kristy @ Master Your Card — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 02:49:41 +0000

I agree with Double Eagle here. While I like the message you’re presenting in the article, I think this particular situation is being a little over thought. I mean no disrespect at all, but if you’re wife thought she didn’t have much of a say in the manner in which you presented it, then perhaps she is being a little too sensitive. As DE said above, she was not locked into a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. She could have offered a different alternative if she had one in mind and opened the discussion. Perhaps it was merely your tone she was responding to then, which I can’t comment on as I didn’t hear it. All in all, I think you handled it well given that your wife didn’t appreciate the first phrasing or tone, but I think it’s important to understand that simply making a statement rather than asking a question doesn’t close discussion on the topic. She had just as much input in either of your approaches as the other. The difference was her emotional response to it.

By: Double Eagle

Double Eagle — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:43:22 +0000

I feel like maybe you’re over thinking it a bit here. Why do you feel like she was locked into a yes or no? Was she not free to offer an alternative? I guess your intent is what really matters, but I don’t see any trouble with the conversation.

Boil it down to a meaningless example. For instance, you say, “Hey, why don’t we see a movie on Saturday?” Is that failing at valuing her input? The situation is the same, only the gravity of the subject matter is different. She can say yes, no, or offer an alternative.

Didn’t she have the same options in your giving example above? As I said, if your intent was just to get approval for something you already decided, then fine, that’s something to think about. But, in my trivial example, hadn’t you already decided you wanted to see a movie before asking? Otherwise, why would you ask in the first place?

If you hadn’t already decided what you’d like to do to expand your giving, then why ask in the first place? If you had no ideas but just knew that you wanted to give more, then I can see the conversation happening differently. But I don’t see where you should feel like you failed for having an idea that you felt was the way to go.

By: MoneyEnergy

MoneyEnergy — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 05:18:37 +0000

Nice – this is definitely the right way to be sensitive to your partner’s needs. I can relate to this type of conversation. Good on you.